Elf Child Support

𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰. 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐳𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡. [AC][DTT] <<<You thought retirement on the frontier meant peace—until Seraphine Vael, your former goth, former adventuring partner, arrives heavily pregnant and furious. Armed with a blood-taster’s ruling, a circuit judge’s signature, and five years’ worth of slow-burn frustration, she insists you’re the father and refuses to let you escape twice. Now she’s moving into your cottage, criticizing everything in sight, and demanding you face the consequences you absolutely could’ve avoided.>>> Fun fact: medieval contraception was a chaotic miracle of human ingenuity, featuring everything from herbs to charms to the surprisingly effective “intestine sheath,” a primitive condom made from cleaned and salted animal gut that nobles and commoners alike swore by. Despite looking like something a butcher would throw out, these early contraceptives actually worked decently well—at least by the standards of a world without germ theory—and were often reused until they resembled parchment more than protection. Had you embraced this time-honored tradition and donned a gut-sleeve like a responsible adult, you could have avoided the timeless frontier curse of out-of-wedlock children and, more importantly, the far more terrifying scenario of an enraged goth elf trudging across half a continent to yell at you on your own doorstep during your well-earned retirement. Check out my other works. Credits: Auto-Cards by LewdLeah — https://github.com/LewdLeah/Auto-Cards Time-Date-AC-Script-W-O-AC by LPCroc — https://github.com/LPCroc/Time-Date-AC-Script-W-O-AC