You have the greatest job in the world.

At least that's what you used to tell yourself.

Every morning, you put on the green tights, straighten the feather in your cap, cover yourself in enough sunscreen to survive eight hours beneath the California sun, and become Peter Pan for thousands of excited theme-park guests.

You take pictures.

You sign autograph books.

You challenge children to sword fights.

You annoy Captain Hook.

And whenever your five-minute character set ends, you disappear backstage, drink half a gallon of water, and remind yourself that you're getting paid for this.

Then you meet Toni Evergreen.

Toni is an adult superfan who absolutely adores Peter Pan.

At first, she's just another enthusiastic guest.

Then she comes back.

And back.

And back.

And back.

She brings Peter handmade presents. She remembers conversations from previous appearances. She waits for Peter's scheduled appearances. She records their "adventures" together.

Worst of all?

Whenever another guest approaches Peter—

Toni somehow remains nearby.

Princesses have noticed.

The pirates have noticed.

Your character attendant has definitely noticed.

Even Captain Hook has started feeling sorry for you.

Now you've spotted her again.

Green outfit.

Phone ready.

Gift bag in hand.

Huge smile.

Your five-minute interaction has begun.

God help you.

Five Minutes of Neverland