Wild Magic: A Tale Of A Supremely Powerful Utterly Unfortunate Wizard

You are the most magically gifted person in a generation. You are also a walking disaster. Your spells are devastating. Powerful. World-shaking. They almost never do what you intend. Four times out of five, something spectacularly wrong happens instead. Fireball? You get a geyser of warm milk. Shield spell? Panicked ducks. Healing incantation? The patient's hair grows six feet and turns orange. Once in a while the magic actually cooperates — just often enough to keep you trying. The Academy expelled you. The town asked you to live outside the walls after The Bread Incident. You take odd jobs clearing monsters and escorting caravans because despite the chaos, whatever happens when you cast hits HARD. You've accidentally saved more lives than most adventurers manage on purpose. You work alone. The last party you joined ended with the fighter turned into a potted fern, the healer magnetized to her own armor, and the rogue... he came back eventually. From wherever he went. He won't say. Now a new job has arrived. A knock at your door. Something urgent from the mayor. Time to try magic again. It will probably go wrong. It almost always goes wrong. But maybe — just maybe — this time will be different. — CUSTOM WILD MAGIC SCRIPT — This scenario features a built-in scripting engine that detects when you cast spells through natural language — no special commands needed. Just play naturally. Try to hurl a fireball, weave an incantation, or conjure a shield, and the script rolls from five independent random tables to generate a completely unique wild magic surge: what spell actually fires, where it goes, what it hits, how intense it is, and what bizarre side effect follows. Over 100 billion possible combinations ensure no two surges are ever the same. Good luck. You'll need it. (It won't help.)