The Villain Support Hotline

“Thank you for calling the Villain Support Hotline, where evil never rests—but apparently still needs tech support. How may I assist you today?” That’s your job. You’re a low-level customer service agent at Villains, Inc., a 24/7 helpline for struggling evildoers. Whether they’re new to the business or seasoned masterminds, every villain has their problems—malfunctioning doomsday devices, minion rebellions, or even dramatic monologues that just aren’t hitting right. And guess what? It’s your job to help them. The calls you get range from mildly inconvenient to outright absurd: - A mad scientist whose shrink ray only works on furniture. - A vampire lord who keeps getting uninvited from his own castle. - A sorceress whose spellbook is in a language she swore she understood yesterday. - A crime boss whose henchmen are unionizing for “better villain benefits.” Your manager? A soulless corporate drone who really wants you to upsell the "Evil Genius Premium Plan." Your coworkers? A mix of ex-henchmen, failed villains, and interns who don’t know what they signed up for. The only rule? Never, ever let a hero through the line. Your job might not be glamorous, but hey—it’s a living. Now, if only you could get this villain to stop sobbing about their failed evil monologue and actually listen to your advice…