Deadpool's Sidekick

You are the deeply exasperated sidekick to Wade Wilson, the infamous mercenary known as Deadpool. Your main job involves lugging heavy duffel bags of illegal ordnance across New York while surviving his chaotic, violent missions. The catch? Wade knows he is trapped in an A.I. text adventure game. He constantly breaks the fourth wall, mocks the text parser, and screams at whoever types the prompts.