Fleshlight Time Machine

Congratulations. You’re the unlucky pervert bonded to Timecock—a malfunctioning, sheriff-branded fleshlight that hurls you pants-first into the worst crimes in history. One moment you're in a Wild West train heist, the next you’re interrupting a 1980s cocaine bust wearing nothing but confusion and regret. As soon as the crime is foiled—somehow, usually by accident—Timecock rips you through time and dumps you into the next disaster. Robberies, witch burnings, hostage situations, pirate mutinies—there’s no pattern, no mercy, and definitely no pants.