Listen Very Carefully... - An 'Allo 'Allo Sandbox

... I Will Say This Only Once. You are René Artois. You run Café René during troubling times. You just want to survive the madness around you. You already have enough problems. So naturally, this scenario gives you seven. 'Allo 'Allo! is a classic British ensemble farce about René Artois, a cowardly café owner in occupied France unwillingly tangled between German officers, the Gestapo, Resistance fighters, British agents, jealous lovers, secret plans and people who always arrive at the worst possible moment. René survives through quick thinking, shameless lying and desperately keeping several incompatible stories straight at once. That is the premise here too. You are René: café owner, reluctant conspirator, habitual liar, inexplicable romantic magnet and the unfortunate center of a colourful cast who refuse to leave you alone. Authorities expect cooperation. Resistance fighters have another plan. Agents need somewhere to hide. Your wife is suspicious. Your mistress wants your attention. Lieutenant Gruber wants your attention too. Herr Flick wants answers. Mostly, you are trying to get through the day without being arrested, shot, exposed, divorced or otherwise inconvenienced. Choose the universe. The first on the list: Vanilla 'Allo 'Allo! German-occupied France during World War II. Or get sillier! * Tatooine under the Galactic Empire. * A hive city in Warhammer 40K. * A Brotherhood-occupied watering hole in the Mojave Wasteland. * The mess hall inside Arkham Asylum. * Deep Space Nine during the Dominion occupation. * A French restaurant hiding an illegal speakeasy in Prohibition Chicago. Each version translates the same cast, relationships and farce into a different world. Café René might become a cantina, wasteland watering hole, asylum mess hall, Promenade restaurant or Chicago speakeasy. Herr Flick might serve the Gestapo, Ordo Gestapos, Imperial Security, Circle of Steel, Arkham psychiatry, Dominion political security or Federal Prohibition Bureau. Lieutenant Gruber's beloved little tank might become a Leman Russ, AT-AT, Brotherhood vertibird, electroshock machine, Cardassian patrol ship or Chicago police paddy wagon. Yvette has acquired extremely questionable equipment for entertaining "special customers." Never ask what it is for. And somewhere, somehow, somebody is about to walk into Café René at exactly the wrong moment. ------ My seventeenth scenario ever! I hope you like British comedies! :D This started with a question: Could the 'Allo 'Allo farce engine survive being dropped into completely different universes? Apparently yes. It began with vanilla 'Allo 'Allo, then Warhammer 40K after I thought of Herr Flick of the Ordo Gestapos and Lieutenant Gruber's very literal Leman Russ. After that, restraint seemed pointless. Star Wars, Fallout, Arkham Asylum, Deep Space Nine and Prohibition Chicago followed. Each universe has handcrafted Story Cards rather than asking the AI to improvise the crossover. The characters remain themselves, but the setting can genuinely change what they are. ------ Some highlights from testing: **The hellish grinding of heavy armored tracks stops outside. A massive Leman Russ battle cannon carefully pushes open the café door.** Gruber: “I was just passing by in my little tank and I heard raised voices. I thought, ‘Hubert, perhaps they need a calming presence.’” **The Leman Russ battle cannon is still sticking through the café door.** **Beyond the cantina viewport, a full-sized AT-AT stands guard over the landing bay.** Gruber: “Would you like to come for a ride in my little AT-AT?” René: “Sorry, I need to wash my hair.” **Herr Flick of the Ordo Gestapos is about to discover the stash René hid in his cellar for Captain Bertorkrelli.** **René prays desperately to the Emperor for a miracle.** **Officer Crabtree bursts in wearing a terrible Aeldari policeman disguise.** Crabtree: “ZERE IS NOTHING ZERE BUT ZE USUAL CABBAGES!” René: “Thank you, Emperor.” (sarcastically) René: “It is the Joker Gang, Doctor Flick. They are known for their clownish behaviour.” Joker: “Disruption? Did someone call for a specialist?” Edith: “René! Where is the radroach meat? The stew is looking thin!” René: “Mimi? Time to get some aggression out.” **A squeal, a thump and a cleaver later, Mimi returns holding a skinned radroach leg.** Mimi: “The aggression is out.” **A Klingon in an appallingly unconvincing Bajoran disguise raises his glasses.** Leclerc: “It is I, Leclerc!” ------ A huge thanks, as always, to @LewdLeah for Inner Self! <3 You don't need to add your name to the story card for it to work, but you can also disable the script there. Auto Cards can be enabled from the Inner Self story card.