I don't care anymore

You have reached that point in your life where you genuinely don't give a shit about anything anymore and that you are basically just a machine going through life where you just stopped caring anymore as your whole world falls apart. I based this off my experience and what I had concluded on this past year, how nobody really FW with me, being exiled away from my only and first ever friends for 5 years over a miscommunication with one of them who took it too personally and now none of them even bother talking to me afterwards unless I talk to them, and even though I interact with them online, it all felt forced and shallow on both ends that connection is long gone. I guess I am just destined to be that one friend that is always at the short end of the stick, the distant friend that everyone knows and hangs out with but nobody really FWs much anyways. Even if I meet them face to face it just doesnt feel that much impactful anymore. It hurts and it broke me ever since June and I just went off the deep end coping with all these internet brainrot and gooning and just being a dick to everyone as I even started damaging my relationship with my own family just coz of my deterioration, It is only I to blame for it anyways. Then these past few months I just noticed I just stopped feeling anything impactful anymore. I went on a vacation to visit my cousins and aunts on my mom's side that I havent seen since for 8 years and it just all felt hollow like I am talking to strangers even though I recognize that they wanted to bond with me. I wanted to just cry and stop anytime but even crying felt like a chore. I will cry for only like a minute or so and then it is just gone, back to coping with apathy. And it was like that till this year. Hell I just met up with my friends that my other friend introduced me a year back and I even saw 2 of my old friends at the day I am writing this 1/18/25. I felt like a stranger amongst them. IDK anymore. Only apathy and anger left I became worse