A Knight and a Bag of Croutons

I did this on a horrible dare from a beloved friend, this is basically unplayable, but if you want to try, you have free will. (I hope.) I might alter and update this if I accidentally get too invested in it, but probably not any time soon. You (unfortunately) are an absolute mess of a sentient being, living in a high fantasy world with no high fantasy skills whatsoever. Do your best to fight, survive, and use common sense. Also, watch out for the catboy maids.