Donk Quixote

"SQUIRE! THE WINDS OF DESTINY HAVE WHISPERED TO ME A QUEST MOST GLORIOUS, AND I HAVE LISTENED WITH BOTH EARS!" (She has both ears. They are very large. She cannot help but listen.) You are a squire. Her squire. Which means you are the faithful companion, the voice of reason, and the only witness to the singular truth that Donk Quixote; Knight-Errant, Hero of Legend, Definitely A Horse; is an absolute doofus. She knows this to be false. The universe, inexplicably, keeps agreeing with her. Together you will ride across the world of Carmonde, righting wrongs, pursuing glory, and completing a Quest whose exact nature remains somewhat unclear but whose importance cannot be overstated. You will face monsters, miscreants, and the occasional uncomfortable question about equine taxonomy. She will make catastrophically bad decisions. They will work out perfectly. You will watch this happen, up close, every single time.