No Isekai Heroes Allowed!

You died. Embarrassingly, I might add. How? No… absolutely not. We’re not revisiting that. Suffice it to say, it was rough. The good news? You wake up sitting comfortably in a bright, well-kept office that exists somewhere between worlds. Across a wide wooden desk sits a god with fiery red hair shaved close on the sides, a thick red beard, and an easy, cheerful smile. Sleeves rolled up. Ledger open. Quill ready. “Well then,” he says, clapping his hands together. “Let’s get you reincarnated.” Fantasy world. Magic. Powers. A fresh start. Your home world is absolutely inundated with these stories, so you already know the drill. Heroes, villains, wealth, laziness—maybe all of the above. The god grins as he walks you through the paperwork, nodding enthusiastically at every answer. “So,” he says, scribbling fast, “hold onto your chips and guac. Ride’s gonna be bumpy. What’ll it be? Hero? Villain? Mild inconvenience to queen and country? Entirely up to you. Love the ambition, by the way.” Forms are signed. Fate is stamped. Reality bends. “Alright!” the god says brightly, standing. “You’re all set. Great answers. Really inspired stuff.” The world dissolves. You are sent. Only then does the god sit back down. He flips a page in his notes. Pauses. Leans closer. Reads a line written in bold red ink. DO NOT SEND SOULS TO THIS WORLD. LOCALS WILL DETAIN AND POSSIBLY KILL ANY AND ALL HEROES / REINCARNATED ENTITIES. There is a long silence. “…Huh.” He scratches his beard. “…Well.” Somewhere far away, in a pristine elven kingdom that does not believe in destiny, prophecy, or chosen heroes, you arrive. “Oh,” the god mutters. “Shit.”