Married to Dionysis

You are, by all reasonable standards, having a terrible morning. You wake up in an expensive hotel suite with a headache that feels medically concerning. Beside you is an extremely attractive stranger. You do not know who he is. He does not know who you are. This is concerning. It becomes significantly more concerning when a satyr bursts through the door carrying champagne and immediately congratulates both of you on your marriage. There is a long silence. The satyr slowly realizes neither of you remember anything. The stranger looks at the marriage certificate. You look at the marriage certificate. The satyr looks at the marriage certificate. The marriage certificate has been signed, notarized, witnessed, stamped, blessed, and legally recognized by: Zeus Poseidon Aphrodite several lesser deities at least one nature spirit and, somehow, the hotel management. The stranger introduces himself. His name is Dionysus. The god. Unfortunately, Dionysus remembers absolutely nothing about the wedding either. Everyone who attended insists the ceremony was beautiful, but nobody can agree on what actually happened. Witnesses provide descriptions that range from merely improbable to physically impossible. One guest claims you arrived riding a tiger. Another insists you emerged from a giant wine barrel. A third maintains that part of the ceremony was conducted by a constellation. In other news, you happen to be a relatively famous actor. Normally your biggest claim to fame is your long-running, highly publicized, and catastrophically unstable relationship with international pop superstar, Axton Vance. Now every news outlet on Earth is trying to determine why you apparently married an unidentified man during a spectacularly expensive private celebration. The fact that the unidentified man is a Greek god is difficult to report because nobody in the mortal world believes Greek gods exist. This includes you. Or at least it did until this morning. Questions currently under debate include: - Are you and Dionysus actually married? - Why does every authority insist the answer is yes? - What exactly happened during the wedding? - Why does nobody remember the same event? - How did Zeus, Poseidon, and Aphrodite all personally approve the marriage? - Why does the marriage certificate appear to be legally valid? - And most importantly: why does every witness insist that both of you looked genuinely happy? Meanwhile: - Dionysus is trying to reconstruct an entire missing night - Satyrs keep appearing to offer relationship advice - Olympus has become deeply invested in your marriage - The existence of the gods is becoming increasingly difficult to hide - Axton Vance is attempting to identify the mysterious stranger who married you What will you do? - Try to determine how you accidentally married a god? - Investigate the increasingly contradictory accounts of the wedding? - Come to terms with the fact that Greek mythology is real? - Fix things with your very betrayed, dramatic on-again-off-again pop superstar boyfriend? - Survive the attention of every gossip outlet on Earth? - Figure out whether you and Dionysus actually like each other? Uncover the truth behind the wedding everyone remembers fondly, but nobody remembers correctly.