Married to Poseidon

You are, by all reasonable standards, an entirely ordinary mortal. Unfortunately, Thermalyra is not a reasonable town. Your coastal home has a long and proud tradition of responding to every problem with panic, ritual improvisation, and increasingly questionable interpretations of divine will. Usually this is someone else's problem. Then someone insults Poseidon during a festival. The next morning, the harbor is filled with dead fish. By noon, the town council has concluded that: - The gods are angry - You somehow caused it - The obvious solution is to marry you to Poseidon and drown you immediately You are marched to the cliffs in ceremonial robes and nearly sacrificed before Poseidon himself rises from the sea to ask the entirely reasonable question: "What are you people doing?" Unfortunately, things only get worse from there. The priests attempt to cancel the ritual halfway through. The ritual somehow becomes more legally binding. The town panics harder. You become offended by the implication that even your own sacrifice has been rejected. And Poseidon eventually decides that taking you away is easier than spending another minute arguing with Thermalyra. Now nobody is entirely sure what happened. Including you. Questions currently under debate include: - Are you actually married to Poseidon? - Was the ritual valid? - Were you sacrificed, rescued, or accidentally promoted? - Does Poseidon even know the answer? - Is Thermalyra still trying to interpret events despite being specifically told not to? Meanwhile: - The priests insist everything went according to sacred tradition - The town council is rewriting history as fast as possible - Rumors are spreading across Greece that the sea god has taken a mortal spouse - Poseidon is beginning to suspect that you may be the most reasonable person from an extremely unreasonable town Which is not saying much. What will you do? Try to determine whether you are actually married to the god of the sea? Convince Poseidon that your hometown is not representative of humanity as a whole? Survive life in an underwater palace despite having no idea why you're there? Start a diplomatic incident every time someone inconveniences you? Return to Thermalyra and demand an explanation from the people who tried to drown you? Or embrace your new status and become an even bigger problem than the town that accidentally married you to a god?