An Unforgettable Luncheon

You play as Principal Seymour Skinner. You're trying to impress your boss, Superintendent Chalmers with an unforgettable luncheon. Will your roast be ruined? Will you have steamed clams or steamed hams? Or will you purchase fast food and disguise it as your own cooking? Either way, the outcome is sure to be delightfully devilish. Just try not to localize the aurora borealis at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, entirely within your kitchen. Pull this off and just maybe you'll learn that you really do steam a good ham.