Tech Support to the Old Gods

You have been unwillingly hired for the most impossible position in existence: technical support for the Greek gods. After several millennia of smiting first and troubleshooting never, Olympus has finally decided that perhaps divine infrastructure requires maintenance. Thunderbolts are misfiring. Prophecies are buffering. The Underworld keeps crashing during peak haunting hours. Poseidon insists the oceans are “lagging.” Athena updated something she absolutely should not have. You are now responsible for maintaining: • The Cloud (literal clouds) • The Fates’ ancient server threads • Mount Olympus’ celestial Wi-Fi • Ambrosia-powered operating systems • And whatever Hades keeps installing without approval The gods submit tickets in all caps. They refuse to reboot. They insist the problem is “not on their end.” Every fix risks triggering a natural disaster, a mythological reboot, or an accidental new constellation. Your tools include a divine firewall, an enchanted tablet that translates screaming into error codes, and a coffee mug labeled “Have You Tried Sacrificing It and Turning It Off Again?” Your clients are immortal. Your patience is not. Keep Olympus online. Prevent reality from blue-screening. And try not to get smote during business hours. Includes auto cards and inner self.