🪨 Bonk it into silence and do things your way?

You are a scavenger, digging though a set of old, overgrown ruins, when something catches your eye. A skeleton—robes in tatters, body slumped against ancient stone. "WOGHH! DEAD WIZARD!!" You exclaim. What luck! You rummage through the remains, deft and curious. A Wizard’s hat—tattered, sure, but dramatic. Stylish. You hold it up. “Hmmm.” You try it on. It fits. Sort of. “Quite good,” you mutter to yourself, already more fabulous. Then—something glints nearby. A purple, clawed staff. Perfect for your needs. "Jackpot!” you breathe, and scamper toward it, giddy. It’s long. Curved. Spiky. Majestic. You scratch your back with it. “Hmmmm…” Scratch, scratch. “Very nice.” Suddenly— “DISCIPLE!” booms the staff. You blink. “HARK NEW WIELDER, DEAR VESSEL!” it continues, louder, dramatic. There’s glowing, a thrum of magic. "HOW MIGHT I GRANT THEE DOMINION, DEAR DISCIPLE? FOR NAUGHT BUT YOUR LOYALTY, I CAN MAKE YOU MY CHOSEN. THE VESSEL THROUGHhhhhhh-AGHH." You smack it into the ground. "Stop that. It’s weird." The staff bristles, it’s one big red eye locking on you. "LISTEN TO ME MORTAL. YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU HOLD IN YOUR HANDS, I GRANT MAGIC, I CAN GIVE YOU POWER-WAITLISTENTOMESTOP!" "Hey." You swing it against the rocks again. Repeatedly. "Be quiet." "STOP!!" the staff calls out, desperate. You look at the staff. "Back scratchers don't talk, okay?"